As life takes its course

Wow, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I haven’t written in a few weeks, so I apologize in advance if this post comes across as rather sloppy. My mind is so creatively static from being idle so long.

As I sit here, at a fancy Starbucks sipping my fancy coffee (wot wot), trying to find some eloquent way to explain my absence from the blogosphere as of late, I find myself struggling to come up with why exactly I was absent. Looking back at the past few weeks, I can’t really pinpoint any precise reason as to why I haven’t written. I’ve been working just as much as I always have, although my schedule has primarily shifted to the wee hours of the morning…I’m generally up before the sun is. For most of my life I’ve been a night owl, so it’s been quite the kick to my internal clock. But I’ve adjusted, and I can’t tell myself I haven’t been writing because of that.

I’ve found myself being a lot more exploratory lately, going to places I normally wouldn’t. Including now, for example – I’ve just driven 45 minutes to a Starbucks straight outside of the city of Chicago, right across from where the Cubs play at Wrigley Field. It’s not that I don’t normally go to coffee shops (coffee runs through my veins more than blood), but driving a bit of a distance to explore the city as I did earlier today isn’t something I would have caught myself doing a few months prior.

So as I’m sitting here, my cup of fancy coffee a bit emptier than it was two paragraphs ago, I’m asking myself, why now? Why am I taking time where I would normally be writing, reading, or worrying to be more adventurous? Simply put, I’m not entirely sure. My best guess, my gut tells me, is that I’m feeling I’m becoming so…static. Internalized. Boring. I’ve never been an extrovert, but I’ve had times in my life where I’ve felt the need to explore and take advantage of my surroundings. I’ve lived within a short train ride to Chicago for almost three years now, and today marks only the fourth or fifth time I’ve visited, and a couple of those times I didn’t really do anything. I love hiking and exploring the outdoors, but when I lived in Washington, a beautiful, mountainous state, I never even ventured into those mountains, only the foothills close to my house. I could see the wondrous, snow-capped Mt. Rainier from my workplace, yet I never took advantage of it.

I don’t want to be static anymore. I don’t want to sit on my couch, looking at the beautiful scenery passing me by and not enjoy it. I don’t want to let my anxiety prevent me from experiencing life as I believe it’s meant to be experienced. I’m sure that I sound incredibly cliché with my whole “take life by the reins” spiel, but as I try to figure out why I haven’t been spending as much time on things as I normally would (such as writing and posting on here), my mind is telling me that’s the reason. At least, I think it’s the reason.

Like I said, I’m not even sure. Maybe I’m making up a reason to sound philosophical and wise.

I do still want to write. I still am going to write. Is it going to be less often, or will I fall out of my newly adventurous ways and revert back to posts every week or so? I don’t know, only the future will tell. If I have my way, I’ll get back to posting every week, but life is unpredictable, and so am I. I’m not leaving, I promise you that, but only the future can tell whether or not I’ll get back into the habit of writing as often as I had been.

Funny thing is, I’ve still been reading all of your posts. If I follow you, I’ve most likely read all of your posts since my last one, I just haven’t been taking the time to make posts of my own. And I’m still amazed at the creativity, wisdom, and wonderment you all convey in your posts. Bravo.

So, this short post in a nutshell: life is just that – life. Unpredictable, but I wouldn’t want it to be any other way. I hope life is going swell for you, dear reader, and I’m coming back to this habit of posting more often if I can help it. Sooner rather than later, I certainly hope!

Stay strong.

– Ryan

 

 

Author: Ryan

23, Chicago, mentally all over the place.

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