Some words of encouragement

I want you to know that you’re worth something.

I want you to realize that, whatever problems you may be dealing with, you are never alone.

I want you to understand that people, even those you may not realize or talk to every day, are here for you.

I want you to know that whatever may have happened yesterday, last month, last year, last decade, doesn’t affect how wonderful you can make the future.

I want you to realize that you can overcome anything that comes your way, no matter who or what tells you otherwise, including your own mind.

need you to understand that there are good people in this world, around every corner, who won’t judge you, or abuse you, or put you in a place you have no desire to be in.

need you to understand that you are stronger than any self-deprecating thought that crosses your mind.

I want you to know that I know being strong isn’t easy, but nothing worth doing ever is.

I want you to know that no outside opinion of you matters, only the light you view yourself in.

need you to know that people care. I need you to know that I care. He cares. She cares. They care.

I want you to know that there are people out there who, when they look at you, see the sun.

Stay strong.

– Ryan

“Success”(the real kind)

I tend to talk a lot about how I compare myself to others based on my “successes.” When I say that word, success, I’m generally talking about outwardly achieving something – careers, relationships, acquiring material goods, etc. But looking back, it’s odd that I would use the word “success” in this way, as none of those things are what I consider propelling me to success. (Oh Lord, I feel like I’m going to use that word at least 30 times before this post is finished…) However, I think it’s fair to say that society sees achievement and (sigh) success as being directly linked to those things, especially things acquired with money. High school teachers and parents push us to do well in school, so we can apply to a good college and get a good job and turn it into a great career, therefore being “successful.” Young adults in many countries are encouraged to find the love of their life and marry them and have children soon after, so that you’ve done your part to contribute to the continuation of the family line and therefore are “successful.” If you make a good amount of money at your job you can buy a nice house and nice furnishings in a nice neighborhood, so that you’re “successful.”

Per society, it seems that there are many paths to this so-called success, but almost all of them involve having a good amount of money. Now, practicality-wise, I get it. If you’re a young adult entering the world, planning on getting by on food stamps and schmoozing off your parents, you probably don’t have the right goals in mind. To say that money is completely unimportant would be an unfortunate lie. But does that necessarily mean that we must base whether we’re doing life “right” on it?

I’m sure that many people have heard this spiel before. Money isn’t everything, love is what matters, give hugs not war, etc. etc. There isn’t anything wrong with these opinions, believe me. Many of them are just different versions of saying the same thing: life is more than materialistic things. In a perfect world where everyone was provided with what they need to have a good life, these lessons would be far easier to take to heart. The fact of the matter, though, is that it isn’t a perfect world. There are social and economic classes, hierarchies, monopolies…unfortunately, “equal footing” is a rare thing nowadays (speaking purely on tangible goods and possessions).

Success is directly linked to happiness, yes? Simply put, if you’re “successful” you didn’t fail, therefore you did things right, therefore you have no reason to be upset, or depressed, or guilty. …right? That being said, I try putting myself into society’s success scenario. I picture myself with a career I love in which I make plenty of money. Each night I come home to my wife and kids, my perfect American family. We live in the best neighborhood in the area, buy only the highest quality foods, and everyone we know loves us. So, Ryan, you’re happy, right? You have no reason not to be.

Now I can only speak for myself here, but no matter how many $100 bills I throw at my head, my depression is unfazed. My anxiety doesn’t care either. You can certainly make the argument that more money pays for better treatment, such as the most reputable outpatient counseling or one of the most renowned psychologists. This is true, however, unless those expensive methods have some magic trick for getting inside your head and pulling the mental illnesses out like you would the funny bone in Operation, the fact is those illnesses will never fully go away. I’m not saying this to be morbid; there are many tried and true methods of getting depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses under control, I’m just trying to illustrate the fact that, in the end, money honestly doesn’t make that much of a difference when it comes to treating mental health.

So, going back to this scenario I picture myself in, and I genuinely don’t see myself as “happy.” Content? Probably. Grateful for what I have? Absolutely. But free from worry? No longer picturing myself in the worst possible scenarios? Not a chance.

We all know that money can’t buy happiness; it clearly doesn’t buy sound mental health either. So, what does give us relief from our own minds? If there’s a good answer, then I couldn’t tell you, as I’m still trying to figure that out myself. Again, there are many reliable, health-conscious methods for keeping these illnesses under control, but what eradicates them for good? (Seriously, if you know, tell me. While you’re at it, tell everyone you know. Call up all the world leaders and tell them too, because I think most everybody with a mental illness asks that question at one point or another.)

Putting society’s definition aside, I truly believe that success comes not from outward achievement, but instead from the comfort of our own minds. If you’re content in much that you do, no guilt, sadness, hurt…in my eyes you’re already successful. As someone who suffers day-to-day with something as simple as accepting myself for who I am, being able to look at your life and say “that’s okay,” seems like a fairy tale to me.

And how does combatting our mental illnesses directly lead us to successful lives? Does it even count as success if we’re only temporarily holding it at bay, and not wiping it from the board completely? Once again, these are questions I have no good answers for. Society already has their multiple definitions of success all figured out – good grades lead to good college which leads to good career which leads to good money. “Success.” Or: significant other leads to wedding leads to happy marriage leads to children. “Success.” Please, I don’t want to sound like I’m demeaning any of these things at all. If you worked hard to get to where you are, be it a happy marriage or successful career, truly, good for you. Be proud of yourself for that, and be grateful. I’d only like to stress that true happiness lies in much more than what society defines as life achievement.

I don’t really have a “lesson” here per say, this is just something I’ve thought about since examining my own tendency to compare myself to others based on “successes,” and it got me thinking. Let me know if you agree or disagree, either in the comments or reach out via email or Facebook. Is “success” being content with your life, regardless of your monetary or materialistic circumstances? Or is it something else entirely?

Best wishes, everyone.

  • Ryan